I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
