I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
