my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
someone owes me an orgasm
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
