every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
