Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
