I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
