i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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