I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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