After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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