How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
