all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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