Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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