can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
