my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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