you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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