Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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