Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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