He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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