it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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