I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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