An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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