it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
