and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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