I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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