And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
