handjob tips. give me some.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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