I wish life had little blips of pornography
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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