He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
