i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
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Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list