that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.