i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.