i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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