Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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