my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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