the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
