I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
