How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
As shirtless as possible
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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