Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
