I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
