Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
