its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
