Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
