Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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