i think my tv is drunk
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
