Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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