You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
