So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
