We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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