Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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