from now on my penis is your penis
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
