i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
