Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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