Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
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yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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