capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
