All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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