Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
