You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
