I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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