i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
