I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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