I love black thongs
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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