Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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