My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
