...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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