So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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