If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
