today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
