I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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