I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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