i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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