My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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