Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
