1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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