I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
