you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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