My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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